I tend to be blindly enthusiastic about certain things. It takes me maybe six months to process what I am actually doing, by then I'll be like, oh how silly. In italics for, you know, emphasis and because it is rather absurd. Well. I am done being enthusiastic because it never seems to come to any good. And I'd rather prefer for someone to be enthusiastic towards me. Although that's just saying I'd rather prefer for someone to like me. And its very banal, because who doesn't want to be liked? Even Satan has a fanclub. Or cult. Whatever.

Or maybe blindly enthusiastic is equivalent to impulsive. Which I am as well. Horribly. Remember the phone calls, the emails, the sms-es and all the times I blamed the adrenaline on coffee? Well, that's just me actually. You know, when my thoughts and my actions work on parallel tracks. That's when I really crack and say all those things I shouldn't because it seems to be a good idea at that time. But really it's not.

I feel like launching a scathing attack on America, which I think is the most hypocritical and bigoted country to have ever existed. But I shall not. Because I am not well informed enough. Because I might be arrested, though it's definitely safer than critisizing our multi-racial society. And because this might compromise my well-being should our holy country merge with the US of A one day.

I am actually really sorry for being all cryptic all the time. Because I know it's extremely irritating and probably cowardly. I suppose it's a contradiction that I either say nothing at all, or everything at the wrong time and to the wrong people.

Everytime I go to the library I see a whole roll of Terry Pratchett books, which made me think he was so unpopular. You know, like To Kill A Mockingbird, which every library has at least 8 copies of. Well. IT'S NOT TRUE. Everything, EVERYTHING I want is on loan. And I want Sam Vimes!!!! ): I cant believe I let Guards! Guards! slip right through my fingers and chose some funny book about DEATH instead, who, as cool as he is, is nowhere as cool as Sam Vimes. GAH.

Ta. I have come to the conclusion that I can obsess over anything, ANYTHING, but Anime. Except maybe for incomplete Anime, which I see 4 episodes of and go all WHERE ARE THE REST??? Other than that, I tend to fall asleep between the purple eyes are giant monsters. -_- But when I obsess, I really really obsess. For example now, when I am all SAM VIMES SAM VIMES SAM VIMES. And Angua and Carrot, because HELLO there is nothing cooler than a DWARF who is not really a dwarf dating a werewolf. And trolls. And vampires who crumble to dust and have speech impediments. Vot! Vot?

Bleh. Now I go away to mourn.

One tiny lie.

1. We are not going to last, we being a generic term. Maybe its my fault. Or maybe this is simply an unfortunate scenario. Undoubtedly I shall be luckier in the future.

2. I wish Wicked would come to Singapore. I have never seen real green people.

3. I have crashed the computer with my brilliant downloading skills. Thus I am deprived of House season two, and Monk because it ended yesterday.

4. Terry Pratchett is smart. Neil Gaiman writes about people I care about. Gregory Maguire is possibly a mixture of these two, topped off with rambly philosophical themes I do not understand. Epic, what epic? As far as I remember, Hamlet was not green.

5. Some possible drunk left a very pretty rose at my house gate. Mummy has decided that I chat with strangers on the internet, possibly engage in cyber sex, then distribute my house address. Thus the rose, as a post-coital symbol of gratitude, with the unspoken question: was it as good for you as it was for me? Failed to point out that she is the one with the psycho boyfriends.

6. The cat is eating a lot. I fear obesity. Thus have resorted to walking the cat everyday in the house, which basically involves me dragging a mouse around and the cat chasing from behind. We stop when the cat starts to pant. Tsk tsk.

7. Short, crop sentences indicates a lack of passion. In truth, I just wanted to note that I ever thought of this.

7. We are really not going to last. Everytime I think about unmeaningful friendships I think of you.

The FIRST visit.

It seems inevitable that I should one day succumb, only this time its because I want to. Well, it is very fitting for me succumb to the completely wrong thing and now I spend my future days helpless and unfulfilled. In any case, it is probably only because I cannot get it that I want it this much. Lo! The passionate fire of my forbidden love blazes! Or something.

A tribute to certain things I've seen and remembered (and this is far less personal than you would like to think) -

So, I remember when you jumped out of my closet in my pajamas, when your letters came through the mail every month, when you smiled and I counted to five and waited for the sky to fall down, when you love in the midst of all your failings, when you demonstrated poor judgment just so he'd notice, when the sun hit your head and made a halo of light, when your eyes searched for him all the time on an instinctive basis, when you took three brave steps and fell on the fourth, when you walked through a door and talked, when you raised an eyebrow and dared me to fall apart, when you fell into your mother's arms at the very end, when you kept your hands occupied just to conceal the trembling, when you walked around town in an electric blue coat screaming homosexuality and pretended that you did not have the world at your feet.

By far I shall remember you better if I could possess you. <3

EDIT: Goodness. Now I understand. How some people can find smokers attractive. How some people think that Anime characters are sexy. Because OMG SOMETIMES THEY REALLY ARE! Or it might be the fact that I am a sucker for a) brainless romantic comedies b) the sour, sarcastic, tragically misunderstood hero with a dark past and twenty-five victims

THE WIND HAS BROWN AWAY THE WATER HEATER

So I stopped doing Physics when I wrote: The microwave is here because OMG IT ROCKS ajklfbasdjklbfa.

So yes. I feel relatively HIGH. Maybe it is because I watched BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN yesterday which was ohmygoodness heartbreaking and so desperately pretty. And the whole thing was terrifyingly sad because I kept reciting parts of the original story that I somehow remember and ohmygod Jack why why why must you die with a beard?

Because I suck, I present ALL the crossed out words on my Literary Masterpiece of the YEAR which still, because I suck, does not have a) CAVES b) the meer mention of the supposed male lead c) mention of romance. Like OMG he is so hot I love love love him.

More for my own amusement than anything else:

difference

were after all young and reckless, and death was more like a distant

the spider

maybe

but things

because

many years of research and

that was

information

fighting

you crushed the note in your hands, and thought of

the house is e

O.O I want to finish this. Really. Before the caves slip away and my brilliant characterisation fades and OHMYGOODNESS the crumpled notes dissappears. Ohmygoodess how do I write when I cant even spell dissappear because it looks SO wrong. -_-

LA. Interesting things that happened in Bangkok:

1. Saw an entertainment piece featuring transgendered individuals. I must admit that I was more interested when the MEN (and I mean the real ones) came out in female lingerie and danced around. O.O
2. At the airport, saw a fellow Singaporean wear a shirt that said I AM A VIRGIN. Was very tempted to take a photo. Did not out of personal sense of shame and dignity.
3. Bought DVDs of dubious authencity (and here I quote). HOUSE HOUSE HOUSE MONK MONK MONK and ohmygoodness I must be crazy because suddenly I find the MONK person very very attractive.
4. Bought many many many many garments more out of aesthetic appeal than for practical use. Except for my LINGERIE. Which I used to pronounce as LIN-GA-RING. O.O
5. Binged on pastry. OMG PASTRY.
6. Learnt about the Thai sense of service, which is when the person in question smiles at you very nicely at the beginning and end of your conversation and proceeds to, in the middle of that, muttle in Thai/go expressionless/glare for a bit/ignore you.
7. THOUGHT MANY MANY TIMES OF MEOW. BUT POSSIBLY MORE TIMES ABOUT PHILO ESSAY AND PHYSICS, WHICH I CURRENTLY HAVE TWO DAYS TO FINISH BUT AM NOT DOING.

Well. I have just dumped Meow on Mummy and commanded her to brush Meow's fur because I am busy with Physics. Oh. Such lies such lies!

So, after I am done with the menial things, after I am done with the necessary things, after I am done with the brave things, I will open my drawer, open the little balls of paper (curled curled curled up like babies), and look at the things that have fallen through the cracks of my mind and somehow managed to spill over.

For those colours which you wish to be beautiful always first prepare a pure white background -Leonardo da Vinci