Read Where's My Cow and make me cry. Read Never Let Met Go and make me cry. Listen to Tell Laura I Love Her and make me cry.

I really don't know. And hormones are, to say the least, interesting. It is definitely strange to be jealous, and the I got here first rule obviously does not apply in real life. But I suppose it is not so much of me getting there first, but the stark difference between what it seems and what it actually is. So, yes, please live off dreams. Toggle, juggle, cuddle the theoretically impossibly small apples of Fantasy, imagine your entire existence reduced to the most miniscule, most undetectable, indelectable of brain activity. Be pretentious and say: unphilosophical arguments are the truth of life, and not beautiful in a fragile way at all.

The simplest things, sometimes. Ho. Do you not wish that oneday you could flip open this book again, fit names, genders, reality to vaguely described people? Say things you would never have hoped to say. Laugh over things you no longer care about. All this in a room bright with morning light, against white curtains, and finally realize this is what all the (metaphorical) spilt ink, the ripped corners, the crumpled pages have brought you to.

Ho. And how many times can I possibly quote VU? Probably too many.

I miss Debbie Lee, A and B, my personal time, Microsoft Word, and the sense of gratification.

I am sorry if I should reuse words so heartlessly, but this like lottery: terrifyingly hard to find the right combinations.

(pseudo) EMO MO MO MO

I somehow get the idea that I should sum up my secondary school life, but I cannot remember anything that I really want to publish in the public domain.

Well. I suppose this year one important thing I have learnt is that erm I succumb to talent, and develop irrational and crazy crushes on talented people that incidentally transcend the entire concept of gender. But I have liked discovering talented people. Because they make me horrendously jealous and terribly spiteful and provoke me to actually do something to get better. So, well, thank you I suppose, only I shall be tormented by your souls all my life. ><

Okay, a list, really, because I am terrible at linking paragraphs, and that is extremely necessary to my anal retentive and pretentious soul.

What I have learnt in Secondary School: List #1
1. Was bitch in secondary one
2. Was bitch in secondary two
3. Was bitch in secondary three
4. Was bitch in secondary four
5. WAHHH

What I have learnt in Secondary School: List #2
1. It is important to carry oneself appropriately at all times (being locked in cupboard by classmates and having a Ostracization Club dedicated to oneself rather indicates that one is sending out wrong signals).
2. It is important not to assume the worse of other people (Hannah is not a mouse, Liying is not a lesbian, Yishuang is not an anti-social dyke, Karen will not eat my Meow Meow, and really, no one dislikes me as much as I would have thought).
3. One's behaviour defines how others treat one (so, no, I am not angry at all that some things don't change because I suppose I brought it upon myself. And that does not, should not undermine anything at all.)
4. Thinking/complaining about Unmeaningful Friendships only depresses one (and my friendships are so not unmeaningful, because we play Bridge, which you know, is the metaphor for love, life, and sex I say).
5. Some kind of order is vital in one's school life (my ugly notebook and my red file with the little plastic folders, I loved all of you for the brief six months I utilised you <3). 6. Service Learning is vital for one's emotional development (something about the sand and the trousers-staining floor and lesson plans and dramatics from Teacher-in-charge. Is it not funny that the things that appear menial now seemed so important to us then? But I suppose that is the point). 7. One is MEAN, which depresses one, really (so no, none of you are terrible or stupid or intolerable or simply not meant to have friends. Every individual is an unique and beautiful snowflake. I embrace everyone of you and I bitcheth not).

What I have learnt in Secondary School: List #3
1. I do not love our class but I rather love the lunch table and erm find the rest of the class very pleasant indeed (!).
2. I rather love 203 and I should have gone for class lunch, but I was emo bitch so blame my teenage hormones not please.
3. Things change and people change. I have drifted apart with people and gotten closer to people, but they are still people and I love all my friends (because emo bitch equals not to hypocrite), and really, people are extremely important.
4. But really, we'll all be seeing each other next year, so it is probably too early to declare my emo and undying love for all of you. Just in case you turn into flirty maidens and play Bollywood Trees (Coconut) with Y chromosomal creatures.

I am far too guarded to really say things like THANK YOU SCHOOL YOU HAVE PROVIDED ME WITH SO MANY LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES OMG, but well, ho, some part of it is true I guess. Despite the fact that I find many faults with the school and I suppose I have never participated enough to really feel that attached.

But, still, you know.